Tricks of the Trade

I've got a quick little story& then a few tips on being a caregiver. Now my tips are from personal experience and obviously don't apply to everyone, but maybe they'll help : )

Part of this disease for dad has been an insatiable appetite. I firmly believe he'd eat us out of house and home if he were given the opportunity.. And that's saying something for us. We've always got a full kitchen and cabinets! Because of his eating we spent about two years chaining and locking up all the cabinets with food and the fridge. It was wildly inconvenient and not always full proof. Our newest fix is that he is not allowed in the kitchen at all. We have a pretty open set up in our house, but the "no kitchen" rule has worked pretty well. No more chains and we can actually leave some of our snacks on the counter now!
Since he can't go in the kitchen, we make up and serve every meal. Tonight was a big portion of spaghetti, and I left the pasta whole, the only way to eat pasta in my mind. Well after I placed his food in front of him I watched him for a few moments. To my surprise he grabbed his fork and a spoon and started to try to twirl his pasta around his fork.
I almost cried, which sounds ridiculous.. I know, but when I was little I remember him teaching me how to twirl pasta out a restaurant. He showed me over and over how to do it right so you didn't end up a mess. The point of this story? This is a man who has drank soup out of the bowl to get it down faster, has eaten steak with his hands because I hadn't cut it enough and it was easier. He has no care for etiquette or mess, and here he was twirling his pasta!

So first tip, have low expectations.. you won't be disappointed as much and little surprises will absolutely make your day. I honestly can say I try to lower my expectations day by day.. which is not a simple task. He has a two word vocabulary anymore, "yeah" and "good." So it was amazingly frustrating when i asked him how he slept over and over this morning and all he could say was "yeah." Obviously, my expectations were set too high.

Patience, tons and tons of patience. It's exhausting some times to be this patient. When you start to get upset and impatient though, how are you going to snap? Scream, throw something, say something impolite? The only person it affects is yourself. Dad is completely apathetic anymore so when I get really upset he just continues the blank stare. So my screaming only gets me more upset. I will note.. sometimes it does feel good to throw something, just make sure it's not breakable because you will be the one cleaning it up!

A little bit of humility never hurts. There are going to be times you have to do things that you never imagined. Caregiving pushes limits, but your loved one will need you, even if they are no longer able to appreciate you.

Time for yourself is one of the most important things to involve in every day. There may not be very much time to do this, so trying to turn normal every day things into "your time" can help. I like to think of cooking as my time, Dad watches from his seat and I sometimes turn on music. I'm usually cooking for him, but if I think of it as my own time I know I'll get some every day.

Constructive outlets for your emotions. Working out, gardening, and talking about life are all things that help, personally.

And of course, a nice bottle of your drink of choice. Once in a while it just helps you relax a little bit when you aren't on duty.. Lately, it's been a vodka club for this girl.