Drifting Away From Us

Dad always wanted girls. His mom was stuck with three troublesome boys, and he always feared he'd have a son like him, who would play rough and get hurt. Luckily for him he got two (pretty awesome) girls. And gosh did he love us..

I was the luckiest little girl in the world, I had a dad who wanted nothing more than for me to succeed, never struggle, and just be happy.  

Sorry for posting the bowl cut big sis, hahah !

Over the past ten years, he has very obviously drifting away. At first it was hard to notice, especially being a young teenager and seeing him every day. But, looking back there are some big things that just scream at you, "something is wrong!"

In 2006 my mom underwent heart surgery, and while my dad was always awful in hospitals, he had to be pushed to say comforting words to my mom. Even with the extra coercion he couldn't muster up much. Never really a man for too many words, he was still always able to be strong for my mom through anything.  

That previous year I had gotten myself into a little trouble with a cop, and Dad played the part of strong and silent.. very silent. Mom lost it, of course, but she didn't have the usual help that my dad usually was. Nobody realized then this was just another clue of his disease. 

Right around the same time, I had an incident with one of my horses. I fell of my handsome Throroughbred and fractured three vertebrate in my back. Being just like my dad, I didn't tell anyone I was in pain and didn't go to the doctor for two weeks. Once I did, I went with only my mom. Dad had no part of it, not even my rehab afterwards. Or, the one thing he always loved that i did, swimming. In previous years he supported my swimming and loved that I was such a great athlete.

These were just a few examples that we can remember from 2005-2006 when there were definite signs we missed. But, when you are busy living your own life you don't always stop to realize that you are losing someone so supportive. I try to use the excuse that I was 15 and a troublesome teenager, but what about the rest of my family? Honestly, it was just so subtle that we didn't see the water receding as this tsunami came in to completely alter our lives.